not your average zoe

life, love and knitting

brain download – like, loathe, wish

8 Comments

Normally I just think this stuff in my head.  Today (not sure why) I thought I’d share.

Some days I am reasonably content with how my life is.

Most days I am rather less positive.

I love my husband. I love my pet bunny.  I love our house (although I’m hoping it gets redecorated soon – see a qualification…). I love being a knitter. I like teaching reception classes. I like reading. I love fabric. I like boardgames. I like yellow. I love my old car with a little (big) hole in the bumper because it’s mine, and I’ve paid it off and it feels like part of me.  I like dresses and bright bar shoes. I like learning.  I love Makaton. I like having a few close friends who are everything to me over a group. I get a kick out of decluttering and I’m proud of being a Simple Living follower/member/believer.  I like jigsaw puzzles and practical crafts. I love to bake and tea and cake are two of my favourite things.  I want to learn about soap making and mosaics. I like growing herbs and flowers.  I adore tactile things that make me itch to touch them and I have to stroke smooth wood when I see it.  I like playing vinyl records and playing violin.  I love birthdays and Christmas.  The best bit of giving is wrapping the present.  I love to sing.  My wedding was my favourite day in my life.

I don’t like the paperwork that surrounds the teaching profession. I don’t like my body. I hate being obese.  I don’t like the only clothes I can find to fit. I hate that I default to TV to pass the time. I don’t like blocking knitting. I don’t like feeling lost and I don’t like that I can enjoy gossiping. I resent the time, money, debt, and potential I squandered at uni. I feel like with a little more focus I could have done so much more if I’d focused on me and my learning and money and less on being the life and soul of multiple friendship groups trying to fit in.  I hate feeling guilty, and that it happens so much.  I loathe debt, it worries me and I ache to have our mortgage paid off.  I have a thing about eggs that makes me flinch when I crack one thinking a chick may be inside.

I wish I wasn’t so focused on other people’s views on me. I wish I wasn’t so self-concious that I can’t play my instruments in public. I wish I could budget better and spend only a minimal amount on life.  I’d like to be more confident with using my sewing machine and making stuff.  I wish I could enjoy exercise.  I’d love to be a Godparent or a Matron of honour.

Everyone has likes, loathes and wishes.  I just need to stop beating myself up about them all day everyday.

What do you like, loathe or wish for?

Take care,

nyaz

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Author: notyouraveragezoe

for more info see my all about me page! tweet @noturaveragezoe

8 thoughts on “brain download – like, loathe, wish

  1. What a good post – I should try to write down the things that I love, like and dislike just to see how it all balances out. Quickly though – I love my family, like that our finances are under control, love our house and farm, like gardening, like knitting and making things myself, love the animals, dislike the work, dislike my weight, hate my job (but just got a new one that will start soon), hate my disease (MS), love that I live close to a supportive family and have a supportive husband. Looks like it balances in the favour of likes and loves.

  2. I love what you wrote. I like so many of the same things. I like that you sound so like me at your age. I don’t like that you feel sad or guilty over past events or actions. I don’t like that you have so much to do in life. I wish for you contentment and joy. I wish you could relax. Life works out in the end, sometimes not how we imagined it would, but the best approach is a good attitude. And I wish you luck and success in the areas of most importance; love, living and laughing.
    Good post.

  3. This is a really heartfelt and moving post. I hope all your dreams and wishes come true and that you can find a way to deal with the things you don’t like. Thank you for sharing this. It’s really made me think.

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