not your average zoe

life, love and knitting

half term hiatus

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I feel like this half term my battle with myself, my thoughts, my very being me has taken a huge leap backwards.

I have started to conquer my money problems and that feels ok.  I thought it would feel amazing, but my senses are dulled.

I am keeping track of my spending and on top of christmas, apart from my in laws and stepson and a couple of gifts for beloved’s stocking (we are giving each other lots of little gifts in a stocking this year.  I thought it would be cute, thoughtful and a little more frugal.  All gifts so far have been on offer/ from a discount store and all practical, AND for ALL my xmas presents have been bought with CASH that I have been saving all year! Woohoo!).

I have spent half term with no enthusiasm to do anything. Forcing myself out of bed and getting dressed under protest from my inner self. When i am up, I rejoice in being in the bubble and when a friend cancelled meeting up I was secretly thrilled I didn’t have to face the world.

I have watched a lot of recorded TV that I didn’t have time for before. I loved the pillars of the throne series.

I’ve triggered my back weakness and am getting pains down the backs of my legs.

I have ached for my husband’s company but been unable to communicate my need for it.  I have slipped into old comforting eating habits, the results of which will probably haunt me forever.

I have done some positive things:

  • Made a cushion for my friend’s 30th (which I was a week late making and I had to post because I was a little poorly, I had no petrol or money to buy it and my confidence to drive there and socialize was negative.
  • Done 4 loads of washing
  • Cooked sunday lunch for 6
  • Had a 3hr cuddle- sleep with a 5week yr old (which in itself was wonderful, but made me consider whether I could do it. The pregnancy, the birth, the life change, the expense, the physical manifestation of my own mortality, bringing a person into this materialistic, money driven, soulless, technological society we live in…)
  • Knitted 4 rows of my cardigan (with a bodge)
  • Made a cake
  • Carved a pumpkin of belovedstepson’s design
  • dyed my hair
  • Finished a book
  • Taken a bag of donations to the charity shop
  • Suffered 2 trips to the dentist
  • Tried to get back into blogging (which I now realise that I missed and I hope will be my salvation)

So you can see I am trying to be proactive.

Most days, however, it is such a struggle.

Take care,

nyaz

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Author: Zoe

for more info see my all about me page! tweet @zoedidthat

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