I feel like this half term my battle with myself, my thoughts, my very being me has taken a huge leap backwards.
I have started to conquer my money problems and that feels ok. I thought it would feel amazing, but my senses are dulled.
I am keeping track of my spending and on top of christmas, apart from my in laws and stepson and a couple of gifts for beloved’s stocking (we are giving each other lots of little gifts in a stocking this year. I thought it would be cute, thoughtful and a little more frugal. All gifts so far have been on offer/ from a discount store and all practical, AND for ALL my xmas presents have been bought with CASH that I have been saving all year! Woohoo!).
I have spent half term with no enthusiasm to do anything. Forcing myself out of bed and getting dressed under protest from my inner self. When i am up, I rejoice in being in the bubble and when a friend cancelled meeting up I was secretly thrilled I didn’t have to face the world.
I have watched a lot of recorded TV that I didn’t have time for before. I loved the pillars of the throne series.
I’ve triggered my back weakness and am getting pains down the backs of my legs.
I have ached for my husband’s company but been unable to communicate my need for it. I have slipped into old comforting eating habits, the results of which will probably haunt me forever.
I have done some positive things:
- Made a cushion for my friend’s 30th (which I was a week late making and I had to post because I was a little poorly, I had no petrol or money to buy it and my confidence to drive there and socialize was negative.
- Done 4 loads of washing
- Cooked sunday lunch for 6
- Had a 3hr cuddle- sleep with a 5week yr old (which in itself was wonderful, but made me consider whether I could do it. The pregnancy, the birth, the life change, the expense, the physical manifestation of my own mortality, bringing a person into this materialistic, money driven, soulless, technological society we live in…)
- Knitted 4 rows of my cardigan (with a bodge)
- Made a cake
- Carved a pumpkin of belovedstepson’s design
- dyed my hair
- Finished a book
- Taken a bag of donations to the charity shop
- Suffered 2 trips to the dentist
- Tried to get back into blogging (which I now realise that I missed and I hope will be my salvation)
So you can see I am trying to be proactive.
Most days, however, it is such a struggle.