not your average zoe

life, love and knitting

I can’t get no sleep

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dun dun dun dun… (anyone else singing insomnia by Faithless yet?  No?… just me then…).

So as it’s the last day of medical May, I just wanted to slip this one in to make a bit more medical content!

I write quite a lot of my blog posts in my head first before typing.  Normally at 1am when beloved is sleeping peacefully next to me, one arm slung over my middle, pinning me in bed whilst my brain races away and keeps my eyelids firmly open.

Aged 14-22 I was an insomniac.  In fact until about 6 weeks before my finals.  At which point I slept almost continuously whenever I tried to revise and everything.  Uni GP told me “It can happen that way” Great.

Anyway…I got into a routine when I was a teen.  sleep between 2am and 6.30am.  Go to school do the do, come home by 6pm (I was in hundreds of musical clubs) and have an hour sleep, dinner, work, bed at 2am and so on.

As an insomniac I cAnNoT bare laying in bed not sleeping.  I worry, I’m restless, I panic, I get anxious, I get cross.  It’s not great in the middle of the night.  So I got into a rhythm of not going to bed until I was ex-haus-t-e-d and then I’d sleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

I kinda had it under control from age 25-28.  Regular sleeping hours (or none), warm milky drink, relaxing activity for half an hour, comfy (warm) nightclothes, Sim warms the bed with the electric blanket in the winter, the fan goes on in the summer – only on number 1 setting else it keeps me up, then a little chat in bed, comfy position … and … sleeep.

Yeah, when we dated Sim had to adapt to this routine, he knew it was important for me to sleep and not be a grumpy zombie right from the first minute of meeting me.

Something happened with the new job though (hmmm just realised that).  And the move, and the wedding.  (I was briefly relieved for 10 days after my operation where 17 hours sleep a day wasn’t enough.  Normal service has now resumed.)

I am fairly exhausted most of the day.  Evening dawns, 9.30pm I start my routine, get to bed. aaannnd….? Nothing. 

Sundays are worst.  I rarely get to sleep before 2am, and I get up at 5.15. Then Monday-Thursday nights I’m lucky to get to sleep before 1am. 

And it makes me totally, irrationally, cross.  And tired.

I’m wondering if it might be linked to a bit of depression that is creeping up on me.  It’s so sad.  Such an exciting time in my life being overshadowed by tears and tiredness.  2012 has so far been a year of coccyx fracturing, car writing off, being told I’m a negligent driver, neighbours lodging complaints about our fence, laproscomy producing no firm results, financial worries, work pressure, wedding pressure, weight (lack of losses) pressure for the wedding, beloved moving jobs and not enjoying the new one, gluten sensitivity being recognised… Not major problems in comparison to many, I appreciate that, just enough to make my anxiety return, and disturb my sleep and ability to cope!

There’s nothing to do really but accept it and sleep when I can. 

Take care, and sleep well,

nyaz

PS – any insomnia beating tips?

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Author: notyouraveragezoe

for more info see my all about me page! tweet @noturaveragezoe

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